I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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