even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
high people should be assigned attendants
Is it because I queefed?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
