So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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