Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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