My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dear god my vagina.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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