i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
