I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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