i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
