We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
