im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How's work?
Spinning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize