Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
