Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
