apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
