I look better un-naked...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
