I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
