Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The beers last night were like the tears from god
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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