He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
