so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
