drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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