In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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