i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
