um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
