Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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