made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize