I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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