I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
