yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
