How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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