I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
