They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
