why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
