I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
