In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everclear isn't food dammit
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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