I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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