I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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