Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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