I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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