here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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