You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
