A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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