She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
birth control should be required to get into college
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
