I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
