She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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