Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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