Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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