Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
