I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
