So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
