yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
vagina is talking i cant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
