you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
