nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
