I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
