how can u be prego again
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize