when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
