pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
