U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
