They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
