Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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