Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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