Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize