he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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