Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
handjob tips. give me some.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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