Non-Jews are for practice
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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