You're completely useless in the revolution.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
