My liver just broke up with me...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
