he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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