It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
