thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
