My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
