If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
