Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
