Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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