There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
