Soap is not a condiment
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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