i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
