nut hugger
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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