You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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