I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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