I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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