just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
