i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I did not marry a roomba.
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