just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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