Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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