I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
