i would punch a child for taco bell
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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