Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
