Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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