Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
