I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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