i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
