Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
