i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
