I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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