I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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