I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
