the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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