sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
