I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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