I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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