WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
