Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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