so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
