I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
