8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize