Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
